growth – Justlife

I think i have never loved myself so much since i was born and it happens because of my sister.

I remember that there’s a girl from my primary school who asked me to choose who is prettier between me and her. I being a shy inconfident tiny girl admiring her confidence and how white she is said ‘You’. I wish i can go back in time and tell myself that you are so much prettier from inside out than that little narcissit and how dare she ask you.

I have always been in ‘very grade orientated societies’ in Chinese schools. So naturally that i always felt overshadowed by all the rich kids who have clear goals and good grades including my sister who is not rich but works hard from a toddler with motivation oriented from unknown sources. She being arrogant as she was always looked down on my not enough effort with maths and every other thing that relates to goals, grades and future. She thought i spent too much money on nothing, eating out too much and me being childish visting my friends’ homes. Naturally i took that in. Her doubts becomes mine.

Then i met my mentor a German aka my adopted dad and his family. They took me in with non-judgmental love. It’s the first time i felt really seen i guess. But at that time, my doubt never really went away. A girl once said that why can’t you be more like your sister. She must see me as not enough. So i kept a certain unspoken distance. I would help if she ask but i wouldn’t ask for her help, i wouldn’t come close. From a hindsight, I must have a strong inner protection scheme that detects what may hurt me.

Then i had a boyfriend, with whom i had an unforgettable relationship but i dare say that it’s not too healthy for me. Crushes based on superficial appealings never did me good. I’m not saying that he’s a bad person. He is kind and bizzare. What we had is love but to a certain extent. Because i know to him I’m not enough. And seemingly happy but knowing underneath his heart that i’m inferior to him does some damage to a girl. It was difficult to say goodbye but i now know that pain is so good for my soul. It was protection in disguise.

And now i have a boyfriend who wouldn’t think that i’m not enough, who still loves me after seeing every bit of me and still appreciate me for who i am. Not saying this is perfect, it’s far from it but it’s good and healthy. Just because it’s true and respectful then it’s beautiful to me. And deep down i know taking me in wholly is curing some of my doubt.

I thought things would be easier with my second relationship with my current boyfriend who is from Sri Lanka. But it’s not. It only got more difficult with the widened experience gap.

So I guess you have guessed what I’m trying to say. Dating is not only about the cultural background, its also about identifying the experience gap between you and your partner. Because the seemingly blinding cultural background is consisted of the family environment and the society this individual developed in and more importantly the very personal experience and preference.

For example, I would have thought Germans have not much culture similar with those of Chinese but their personalities would be in more common place with Chinese as we both work hard and kind of reserved. But I can’t be more wrong.

Since my ex German boyfriend spent two years with his parents in China, he knows the culture and food a bit. I was so surprised he really likes dim sum. And for the dinner of 23th of December last year they had dim sum and Dumplings! So hard to believe! Though he didn’t learn any Chinese except for those swear words.Regarding personalities, he is something else. He’s more crazy than anyone I have ever known before. He studies acting which explains a bit. He quit acting 3 days before he finishes it. He can be so not organized as he would not bring his homework to uni even he finished it. And list goes on. In the end his craziness set a lot of problems.

As my current boyfriend is from Sri Lanka. I’m ashamed to admit that I didn’t know it exists until I met him. But after I learnt it’s a country in Asia, to be exact it’s South Asia but still part of Asia right? Should be fine. Personality wise, it’s all fine. He’s not crazy at all, a nice dude to be with. However, he was brought up eating rice and this habit has not changed an inch since he came to Australia. He’ll be so unhappy if he doesn’t eat rice for one meal. And he can’t live without chicken. Although I grow up eating rice and chicken as well, but I’m always up for something new.The fact is that he eats other meat and vegetables so little that I find it a challenge to cook every time out of his extremely narrow food range.

It’s a problem? It is. Is it serious? Not that much. Not that I thought so at first. I was really trapped in the thinking that we can’t navigate through that habit. But in the end his thinking released me from my own cage. That thinking mode is it’s not something wrong with the relationship it’s more about a fact based problem. There are three points to be done about it, once you do it you are half way through.

♡ Instead of blaming each other, talk openly about the problem

♡ Think of possible solutions to the problem that have both of your interests in mind

♡ Execute it and be patient with the process

There’s no doubt that you will put much efforts into solving the problem however it’s a eating habit difference or communication gap that have been in you guys for decades. With time goes by you’ll be happy to see how both of you grow from it and how your relationship benefits from it.

Tag: growth

Love yourself-Accepting(1)

How I date with different culture background?