I’m more like a problem avoider. I’m not particularly ashamed of myself. It’s a scheme i developed to survive to protect myself. Then a lot of times i decided that i need to change as it’s not working for me as efficient as other schemes. I want to communicate better, but a lot of times i’m stuck in the castle i built for myself with layers of anger and self-esteem. Nevertheless, the urge to change and to be better than i was yesterday has always been there buried under.
I came to realize or the fact just slap me in the face, to be more specifically, that i tend to withdraw while i’m in an argument. I wouldn’t take a moment from the feelings that raged through me like a wild fire. I could only guess that it makes me feel powerful by not giving what my boyfriend wants: communicating. I couldn’t look at the problem clearly blinded by the emotions. To change, i have to force myself take a deep breath, take a step back and analyze the problem and talk through with the person.
I read in a tiny article that what the girl would do is to watch some series on Netflix with his boyfriend and discuss the plot with him, by this they would realize the problems in tone and attitude. Once the boy asked the girl about a certain detail in a show, and the girl said i haven’t watched, how possibly would i know. Then he said: oh you’re quite impatient. The girl continued to write: i don’t mind him pointing out my problem, because i want him to be my mirror and push me to be better. And i was like, WOW, atta girl, I need that attitude!
I want to be a better woman for me and for him. Rome is not built in one day, it needs patience and structure. To be continued.
Justlife 