Tag: self help

Problems unsolved

winderrosyLeave a comment

I’m more like a problem avoider. I’m not particularly ashamed of myself. It’s a scheme i developed to survive to protect myself. Then a lot of times i decided that i need to change as it’s not working for me as efficient as other schemes. I want to communicate better, but a lot of times i’m stuck in the castle i built for myself with layers of anger and self-esteem. Nevertheless, the urge to change and to be better than i was yesterday has always been there buried under.

I came to realize or the fact just slap me in the face, to be more specifically, that i tend to withdraw while i’m in an argument. I wouldn’t take a moment from the feelings that raged through me like a wild fire. I could only guess that it makes me feel powerful by not giving what my boyfriend wants: communicating. I couldn’t look at the problem clearly blinded by the emotions. To change, i have to force myself take a deep breath, take a step back and analyze the problem and talk through with the person.

I read in a tiny article that what the girl would do is to watch some series on Netflix with his boyfriend and discuss the plot with him, by this they would realize the problems in tone and attitude. Once the boy asked the girl about a certain detail in a show, and the girl said i haven’t watched, how possibly would i know. Then he said: oh you’re quite impatient. The girl continued to write: i don’t mind him pointing out my problem, because i want him to be my mirror and push me to be better. And i was like, WOW, atta girl, I need that attitude!

I want to be a better woman for me and for him. Rome is not built in one day, it needs patience and structure. To be continued.

What is NOT care?

Featured winderrosyLeave a comment
From pinterest https://pin.it/6Hryyzo

It struck me today after an argument what care is. It’s a simple theme that i thought i have understood as everyone else, however as it appeared not quite so.

The argument starts with me saying that i have reached my limit and that i can’t do this(whatever it is) anymore. Instead of them understanding the limit I’m talking about is actually the extreme i was talking about.

They were saying we could all strive to be better and extend the limit.So i thought i have to more affirmative, then i strongly stated the exact same thing again. This time, they say i understand but look how i ignore the bad things; look, how i took a deep breath and move on; look how i endure the hardship. Then i thought it’s still not clear enough for them and said look I’m different i have to take care of myself and then take care of others. And then they said we are all different but it’s family. Finally, as frustrated i was, i realized that they were not caring about my feeling or how i’m actually suffering they were just caring about the idea that they have in their mind that everybody should act just like them.

And i screamed in my head ‘WAKE UP YOU F*****s!!!!! I’M NOT A PIECE OF YOUR IDEAL WORLD’ But alas, I am in their mind.

Take away:

  • Putting others to your standards is NOT caring
  • Thinking everyone else should do what you are doing or be like you is NOT caring
  • Debating what is right and not feeling what he/she is feeling is NOT caring

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